The Power of Listening

What’s the difference between hearing and listening?

I once asked that question to a group of fourth-graders before leading them in a mindful listening practice. 

One boy responded:  “Hearing is like water falling and bouncing off a rock, while listening is like water falling and being absorbed by a sponge.”

I’ve never forgotten how that wise fourth-grader answered my question. It’s stayed with me as a symbolic reminder of how to listen well – with interest, engagement, and sponge-like attention. It’s also a reminder of the subtle power of listening – both in conversation and as a meditation on the sounds around us.

How to Listen Well

Listening is a highly underrated skill. In conversation, we emphasize speaking, but it’s through listening that we understand each other better.

According to the Harvard Business Review, people who listen well put others at ease, reduce social anxiety, promote more self-awareness, and create more clarity. Sometimes, being truly listened to is so much like being loved. Most people don’t know the difference.

Listening is not only valuable in conversation. Listening to the soundscape around us – whether it’s a Pharell Williams song, the neighbor’s lawn mower, or a car passing below our window – lands us squarely in the present moment. Bringing our attention to sounds is a dedicated form of meditation, offering us a novel focal point and a vibrant connection to our lives.

“The richness of life doesn’t lie in the loudness, the boom or the beat, but in the timbre, the variations and the subtle sounds that one can only discern when they pay attention,” says Scott Horowitz, an auditory neuroscientist.
Interesting things happen when we listen with mindfulness at our side. Arguments transform into constructive conversations. Leaders learn more from their employees, spawning more collaboration, problem solving, and innovation. And the “music” of our daily life becomes a source of joy and inspiration.

Practicing Mindful Listening

Many years ago, I attended a poetry reading at the Los Angeles Times Book Fair. As the poet began to read his poem, a baby in the audience started wailing. Embarrassed by the raucousness, the baby’s mother got up to rush the infant outside the open-air tent. But the poet stopped her and said: “Oh, please don’t take the baby away. A baby’s cry is like a tuning fork for a poet.”

There are many such tuning forks for us throughout the day – whether it’s listening attentively to a friend or a blue jay in the backyard.

To enrich your relationships and to become more present, here are some perspectives and practices to make mindful listening a part of your daily life.

• Listen to Understand: Author and educator Stephen Covey said, “The biggest communication problem we have is that we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply.” If that sounds all too familiar, your listening skills may need sharpening. Instead of plotting your next move during a meeting or in conversation, listen with the intention to understand the person who’s speaking. Nod your head. Smile. Ask a question or two. You might be surprised how much more interesting the conversation becomes when you do.
• 80% on them; 20% on you: Sometimes, it helps to have a numeric formulation to gauge how well you’re attending to others. As Covey says much of the time, when we think we’re listening, we’re formulating our reply or daydreaming or judging, etc. To quell these tendencies, we can hold an intention to put 80% of our attention on the speaker while reserving 20% on ourselves to notice when we’ve stopped listening. 
• Open your ears: Often, when we meditate, we’re given the breath as an object of our focus. But the breath isn’t always a comfortable focal point for everyone. Also, we experience the world through all of our senses, not just the breath. Next time you’re seated in meditation, shift your attention to listen to the sounds in your environment and use sound as a home base for your attention. To enliven daily life, open your ears to everyday sounds. Can you hear your footsteps as you walk to the car? Can you hear the strike of the keys on your keyboard? How about the sound of your own breathing?

By mindfully listening to the sounds around you, you might discover how just accessible the present moment is.

Written by Kelly Barron